For Those Taking Finals These Next Few Days

I stumbled onto this today, and while it’s been around awhile it still makes me laugh.  Enjoy and forward to your favorite college student.  So far as I can tell this is anonymous.

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The Twelve Days of Finals
–a parody–

On the first day of finals, my teachers gave to me
Last minute reviews till three

On the second day of finals, my teachers gave to me
Cheat sheets that don’t work
And a puzzled TA staring at me

On the third day of finals, my teachers gave to me
3 retarded room-mates
2 noisy neighbors
And no quiet place for me to stu-dy

On the fourth day of finals, my teachers gave to me
4 camera flashes
3 calculators
2 gas igniters
And not one included battery

On the fifth day of finals, my teachers gave to me
5 PAGE ESSAYS
FOR ev’ry class
3-hundred words
TO-each paragraph
And a cover page so it looks pret-ty

On the sixth day of finals, my teachers gave to me
6 extra credits
5 NUMBER 2s
4 pop-quizzes each
3 new books
Too much stuff to learn
And some office hours when I’m not free

On the seventh day of finals, my teachers gave to me
7-section solos
64-per second
5 F*&#ING FLATS
4-teen measure holds
3 high notes
2/4 triple time
And a thousand people staring at me

On the eighth day of finals, my teachers gave to me
8-teen line deriving
7-step subtractions
Sick of all these numbers
5 CHUNKS OF PI
4 Parabolems
3 Dumb sums
2 more if it’s squared
And a logic test that’s in bi-na-ry

On the ninth day of finals, my teachers gave to me
9 final reviews
8 over-lapping
7-hundred hand-outs
6-teen definitions
5 MEANINGS EACH
4 not useful verbs
3 Noun frowns
2 more printers broke
And a paper cut that almost killed me

On the tenth day of finals, my teachers gave to me
10 Open programs
9 were not working
8-digit doubles
7 self-made servers
6 servlets searching
5-MINUTE LOADS
4 Blue-ish screens
3 null points
2 at 404
And a home-made class that fried my PC

On the eleventh day of finals, my teachers gave to me
11 Shticks of Shakespeare
10 iambic essays
9-page footnoting
8 quotes per sentence
7-hours research
6 drafts and counting
5 THOUSAND LINES
4-teen cited works
3-size font
2 more final drafts
And a 50-page bi-bli-o-gra-phy

On the twelfth day of finals,
(Music slows down)
it finally got to me…
(pause, then music picks back up)
12 Straight all-nighters
11 Bio Black-outs
10 instru-MENTALs
9 Page Perversions
8 Physics Freakouts
7 Lethal Lectures
6 Stupid Psych tests
5 WRITERS’ BLOCKS
4 Tuition hikes
3 MCATs
2 days left to live…
And two parents who are gonna Kill ME!